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Listen to the podcast and for – the warning signs of undermining leadership, why keeping a record is important, and how behaviour at the top affects trust and performance.
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Narrated by Darryl Morris, BBC and Times Radio broadcaster.
Real life stories from the Good Apple Effect
These are real stories from people working in hospitality at all levels.
Each account is based on an interview, captured by an experienced, independent writer.
Names and some identifying details have been changed to protect those involved, but the situations described are genuine.
The commentary that follows each story reflects the perspective of The Good Apple Effect, a not-for-profit Community Interest Company focused on reducing misuse of power and bullying in hospitality, whilst shining a bright spotlight on the positive impact the sector sees when it is reduced. The reflections explore the wider learnings from each story and their implications for people, teams and business performance.
HEAD: ‘The culture at the top of the company was toxic.’
SELL: A marketing manager describes how her confidence was eroded by the bullying bosses of a restaurant chain
Allison was delighted when she was offered the role of Head of Marketing at a successful hospitality company. Having previously held senior roles in large corporate organisations, she hoped the move to a smaller scale hospitality business would mean an exciting chance to use her skills and learn more about running a business from the inside out.
“At the beginning it was great. The owner, who was also the Chief Executive Officer, Danny, and the Chief Finance Officer, Rob, trusted me to get on with running my team as I chose,” recalls Allison. “There was a small senior team at head office, including a very approachable Chief Operating Officer who valued marketing. We all worked well together and I barely had any contact with Danny and Rob on a day-to-day basis.”
Allison excelled in the role received positive feedback from department heads and teams, showed genuine return on investment on marketing investment and was shortlisted for industry awards, but two years in, the Chief Operating Officer left, followed by several other senior staff members.
“As I began dealing more directly with Danny and Rob, and their Managing Director, Geoff, I realised why so many executives were quitting,” says Allison. “The culture at the top of the company was toxic, and it felt like suddenly I was a target.
“It started with little put downs. Then they would ignore my emails, making me constantly chase for answers to simple questions. Geoff would come into meetings and make a point of shaking everyone’s hand except mine. Instead of taking time to go through my reports privately, they would skim them in front of me, then dismissively say: ‘This doesn’t work – you need to do this, this and this’. If I questioned anything or tried to assert my authority, they became hostile.”
Her CEO’s behaviour then moved to gaslighting.
“One day Danny would state something or ask for something, and the next he’d completely deny it. It was utterly destabilising.”
As the months passed, Allison felt her confidence eroding.
“I think I started off in denial. I thought, this isn’t great, but I can handle it. I would remind myself of all the plus points to the job. Practical things like having flexible hours; not having to travel far to the office. I didn’t want to let my family down by quitting. But the fact is, I went from feeling highly competent to questioning everything I did. I started to believe they were right about me.”
The chaotic nature of the company also meant Allison had no formal procedure enabling her to seek help.
“The few friends I confided in told me I needed to take action, but there was no HR department. I felt I had nowhere to turn. But I did heed a bit of valuable advice, which was to keep a diary of what they were doing.”
As the company’s fortunes declined, the abuse directed at Allison increased.
“The business struggled financially and it became clear redundancies were on the cards. They started focusing all their energy on me and what I was supposedly doing wrong – I think because they thought that if they could get me to resign, they wouldn’t need to give me a redundancy pay-off.”
Physically and mentally exhausted, Allison reached breaking point.
“One morning I came in for a meeting. Danny started on one of his belittling rants, and it was like a switch flicked. I just thought: ‘I’m done.’ I walked back to my desk, packed up my stuff and left.”
A solicitor confirmed Allison had a strong case for constructive dismissal.
“In the end, I negotiated a settlement payment. It took about three weeks and was incredibly stressful, but I never doubted I’d made the right decision. When the pay-out was finally agreed I took some time off. I went for walks. I met friends for coffee. I sort of filled my bucket back up.”
Allison now has a new in-house role outside hospitality and whilst the experience bruised her, it didn’t break her.
“I feel like I’m still recovering in many ways but finding the strength to walk away and fight was very empowering. The whole experience has also taught me what red flags to look out for with future employers. I feel like I’ve learnt a lot.
“I certainly won’t allow what happened to define me or my career. It was just a small chapter in my life, and they were small people – insignificant in the grand scheme of things.”
All names and some business details have been changed to protect identities
Reflection
Allison was brought in as an experienced marketer, and initially she performed well. The business trusted her, the team worked well together, and there was space to do the job. But as leadership changed, so did the environment around her. What began as small instances of poor behaviour became more frequent, more visible and more difficult to address.
Over time, that behaviour did not just affect how the business was run, it affected how people within it saw themselves. A capable individual began to question her own judgement.
Eventually, she left.
Self-reflection
If you are in Allison’s position?
Are the behaviours you are experiencing isolated, or are they becoming more frequent over time? Are you starting to question your own judgement despite a track record of strong performance? Do you feel able to challenge what is happening, or are you adjusting your behaviour to avoid conflict? Is there a clear route for support, or are you managing this on your own?
If your confidence is being eroded over time, it can help to step back and look for patterns rather than instances. Keep a clear record of what is happening. Notice whether expectations are consistent, whether behaviour changes from one day to the next, and how often you leave interactions feeling uncertain.
Talking it through with someone you trust can help bring perspective, especially when your own judgement starts to feel less certain. At some point, the question changes from “how do I handle this?” to “is this an environment where I can do my job well?” Recognising that point, and acting on it, is often the turning point.
If you are a senior leader
Are your behaviours consistent, or do they change depending on pressure or circumstance? Are you giving feedback in a way that builds clarity, or creates uncertainty? Do your actions reinforce trust, or chip away at it over time? Are you aware of how your behaviour is experienced by others, particularly when things are not going well?
Behaviour at the top sets the tone. If that behaviour becomes inconsistent or undermining, there is a cost. Time is lost, decisions slow, focus blurs, and businesses can find themselves dealing with costly disputes rather than building momentum.
Performance is unlikely to build, and good people often leave.
For a clearer view of how behaviour links to financial performance, the Fairness Pays section on The Good Apple Effect website brings together the evidence in more detail. www.thegoodappleeffect.co.uk
The Good Apple Effect.
Hospitality. Better without bullying.
Better Culture. Better Business.
